When orders drop, the first thing you may think about is going HOME and being close to family or a more familiar place with comfortable surroundings. Whether you have been married for 1 or 15 years, it doesn’t matter, there are so many advantages to being home while your spouse is gone. Yes, you will be around family, friends and places you love but there are also benefits of staying with your military community. Making this decision is a person-by-person case, and there are pros and cons to each.
There was a time in my life where once my hubby was gone I could easily go home. I was young, had tons of energy, flexibility, and time.
As the years rolled by and we had kids, we had to consider sports, activities, school, friends and other obligations that the flexibility become non-existent. Not to mention, having to pack up, store, and move your household back and forth. Sometimes, the load just became too much to bear and you have to realize that you have to stop moving and start growing where you are planted.
First and foremost, a chance to give a place a chance Creating a home environment with a routine established will help a lot when your deployed spouse comes back home for a smoother transition.
Kids routines stay intact. Although, it’s even harder for children when your spouse is gone, it’s still good to have something familiar like their home, routines and activities.
Military support. Having a community of military spouses who understand the lifestyle is comforting. It will be a great way to meet new friends and have people around you to support you through this hard time.
A lot of people ask me when he’s gone, “Well, why don’t you go home, back to where you’re from?”
Huh…..I always wish it was that easy. Getting up every time when he’s gone I realized it’s just not a life. You have to build your own life, your circle of friends, and create activities to get involved in. It’s hard and lonely, but it can also be an empowering experience if you allow yourself to embrace the process and create your life.
I have been living this military life for a long time and if I packed up every time my spouse left, I would have never had the chance to bloom anywhere, meet the interesting people I have met, seen the beauty of different places, and enjoying the different local cultures each place has to offer.
When I decide to stay, I planned on family coming to visit for the holidays or long weekends. This always gave me something to look forward to and allowed for a bit of help and a break with kids and housework. I found a hobby. I decided to immerse myself in DIY projects. I know it’s a little cliché but I enjoy it and love making old things new. And I always, always stayed positive!
I will say this though; when your spouse is gone it’s HARD AS HELL! Deployment is like Death. Trust me; I have many of lonely nights with glasses of wine, boxes of tissue and a hole of emptiness. But, those nights don’t last long, now I can’t even remember the pain. You will come out strong, you will come out independent, you will come out empowered and a very different person than before.
So, whatever you decide. I encourage you to STAY. See what life throws your way, how you can overcome and grown in your own space.
About the Author:
Moni is a proud Puerto Rican Air Force Spouse and mother of 3 brilliant children, that has found time as a SAHM to finish her Bachelors in Public Relations. She has moved over 13 times as an Army brat and now an Air force MilSpouse. This has allowed her to see things from different views. During her husbands last deployment, she was inspired to write about her military lifestyle from a candid, sassy, bold and witty perspective. She hopes that by sharing her experiences that it will encourage other spouses to find their voice in this journey of constant change and uncertainty……all this has been accomplished with buckets of prayer, glasses of wine and a few colorful words.